Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
