If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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