So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
