She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
