if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
