Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
