Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
