so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
