it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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