you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
