Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
