I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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