my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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