At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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