i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You have to summon your inner elephant
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
