Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
