Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
