Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
