meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
