my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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