HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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