I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
