that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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