just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish you could order shots online.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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