the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
