I will die if light touches me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
