Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
