hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
