If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
