I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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