New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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