If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
