I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
