just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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