she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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