ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
