loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who died my cat blue again?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
