So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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