So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
