I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
