Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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