doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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