Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
