I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
