That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
