I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
