What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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