Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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