and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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