false alarm. still invincible.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
