so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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