Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
