WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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