he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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